1.
On October 7th 2013, my life was forever changed…. I got a
call from one of mom’s best friends who informed me that Mom was found
unresponsive in her home…. She was in her bed…. In her pajamas and simply was
not awake or aware but breathing…. They
took her by ambulance to the local hospital where they took her via helicopter to Wake
Med in Raleigh, NC . I packed in a
hurry and arranged to fly out to Raleigh the next morning….. Called my friend
Amy, who grew up across the street from me in Virginia Beach since I was 5
years old (who “happened” to live in Durham) and she picked me up from the
airport and took me straight to the hospital where my Godfather, Kay was
waiting for me. Mom was in ICU, all
hooked up to a breathing tube, IV fluids and she looked like she was asleep…. I
was so scared to see her like this. I
had just talked to her a few days prior, and all was well. I didn’t want to leave her. I found out that the Hospital happened to
have a hotel for family of patients.
What a gift! I checked myself
in so I could only be a floor away from mom but I could be in an environment
that I could sleep away from nurses and doctors and beeps and alarms. I hated leaving her… but I knew that if
anything happened, I would be there in less than 5 minutes. Being
an only child, I decided to post on Facebook…. A private thing, maybe, but I
decided I needed and wanted prayers. I
decided that I would “put it out there” so to speak and I continued to do so for the days to
come.
2.
Mom had a few visitors of course in the first few days…. No one could
believe that Mom was in ICU. She played
bridge 3-4 times a week, mowed her own lawn, drove her car across many states
to get where she wanted to get and really functioned quite well alone In fact, she had just spent a few weeks
with us in New Jersey in late August.
She managed an e-ticket on Amtrak to NJ and we visited NYC to see
Meredith dance and went to Cornell to look at it as a possible college for
David while visiting gorges…. And wineries in upstate NY. We had a blast. I honestly can’t remember exactly when this
story was told to me, but one of my moms’ friends told me in the hospital, that just a few weeks before her stroke, Mom announced to her friends, that when it is
her time to go, she’d like to go to sleep and never wake up. God Listened.
3.
On the Friday before Mom had her stroke, I spent quite a long time on
the phone with her. I had started to
get involved in a few of her decisions…. Trying to help advise and immerse
myself in her affairs “just in case”.
We spent an hour or so talking about her different Medicare options that
needed to be decided upon by December.
She told me she’d be out the next day playing bridge so I probably would
not talk to her until after the weekend.
I remember getting off the phone with her and praying, “God, please guide me. Let me know when it’s time to move her here
or get a home healthcare worker, please take care of her and help guide
me. God, when it is her time, please
take her quickly and let me say goodbye.
Don’t let her suffer a long illness or a long drawn out something that
does not allow her to be independent.”
God Listened.
4.
I didn’t know what to pray for.
I’ve had times in my life that I totally needed to give it to God, so I
did. I got on my knees and I
prayed. “God, I don’t even know what to
pray for, you know my heart, you know my
mom, you know what we need so God, I give it ALL to you! You know I want healing, but not sure if
that is your plan so I’ll just accept your plan. I trust you.” God would give me little glimmers of LIFE in
my mom. She was literally unresponsive
but I could see little glimpses of her in there…. She knew I was there. So here I sat…. in the Hospital maybe the 3rd
day…. It was honestly a blur. I had
great company with my friend Amy and my Godfather, Kay. They were there so much I couldn’t ask for
more, but there were times in which I was alone. I wandered to the Au Bon Pain Café for a
cup of soup alone….. I needed to eat.
I got my soup and sat there in a daze… feeling alone and watching
nurses, doctors and families come in and out with other people. All of a sudden, I heard the words being
sung over the radio. They were singing
“You Are Not Alone” This was obviously
a Christian song….. and I heard it. I
heard the words….. In a moment that I was feeling alone, God spoke to me to let me know that I was NOT
alone. I was astounded because I
listened to see if the next song was a Christian song… it was not. It was a popular secular song…. God was
listening and He was letting me know HE was there.
5.
This could have been day 4 or 5 at this point… I can’t remember the
actual day but I do remember the order of events. I was wandering down the hospital corridors
in a daze again. I was exhausted by
doing nothing. All the sitting, the
waiting, the crying, the stress…. I was literally exhausted but I had not done
anything. I was walking and looking at
other people in the halls. Were they
celebrating a baby being born, was someone having surgery or was someone
clinging to life like my mom was? I
was focused on others and wondering what they were going through and I caught
myself humming. Once I realized I was
humming, I had to figure out WHAT I was humming. Then, when I recognized the song I was
humming, I had to figure out the WORDS to what I was humming. I actually had to look them up. I was humming “ Great is the Lord, he is holy and just, by
his power we trust in the Lord… Great is the Lord, he is faithful and True, by
his Mercy he proves, He is Love.” God
let me know that HE is GREAT and he is Holy and just and I should trust HIM
because he is faithful and true and by his Mercy he proves, HE IS LOVE!
6.
I continued to pray on my knees…. Sobbing and honestly wailing. I heard cries come of me that I could not
recognize in myself. I continued to
wake up early, be at moms’ bedside before shift change and sit with her all day
until after shift change again…. Allowing myself to go to sleep in a normal
“room”. My posting on Facebook caught the attention
of some of my sorority sisters and friends and all of a sudden, I got a message
from my friend, Andrea. She
said, “I’m at Wake Med, where are you?”
I messaged her back, she showed up, and we prayed… and Andrea witnessed
my mom giving me a “thumbs up” because she heard me. It was a miracle. I knew she KNEW I was there. Andrea and I had not seen each other in 15
years at least. God put her in a place
to BE there for me I know. What a
comfort! I honestly couldn’t believe
it. What a gift! We decided we’d go to dinner one night to
get me out of the hospital…. We’d plan it day by day. I know looking back, that God placed Andrea
in my path JUST when I needed her. God
is GOOD and I was thankful!
7.
Another day…. Another Sorority sister “happened” to stop by. I didn’t even know she lived nearby. Alison showed up…. And Alison and
Andrea and I went to dinner on a night that I didn’t have ANYONE to eat
with. I stayed at my Godfather’s house a
few nights to get out of the hospital when he was out of town. I was starting to get used to the routine
and I knew moms vitals and I was getting more comfortable with her day to day
routine. I was starting to know the
nurses, the process and the Neurologist and I agreed that we would wait until
we medically needed to make a decision to take out the vent. It didn’t need to happen right away. I was seeing small progress with mom but I
knew it would not be a life that she would want to live. She could not speak or feed herself or take
care of hygine. She was in a permanent
coma but I wanted to give God a chance to give me a miracle. I was hopeful.
8.
This next day…. A day I won’t forget.
I was alone. Kay and Amy, the
“rocks” that I had been blessed with for days could not be there for me. I was so grateful for any company, any
distraction. Amy was so positive…. Kay
was so calm. They were perfect for what
I needed but they were not there the day that the ICU doctor came to speak to
me. He told me that we were running
out of time. It was day 8… and we could
only medically leave the vent in about 10 days. After 10 days, we’d have to do a
trach. I knew mom would not want that
nor a feeding tube. My mom had
prepared a medical directive to insure that there would be NO mistaking that mom
did not want to be in a permanent vegetative state. A third sorority sister, Beth messaged me that she would like to stop by.
This was a day that I’m sure she didn’t know she was walking into. She and I shared a cup of coffee and I got
to share my heart as they had just informed me that we needed to make a
decision to remove mom’s vent and feeding tube. Now was the time. God gave me this ANGEL at the perfect time…..
and I later called Dave and told him I needed him here to remove the vent. I could not do it alone. The interesting thing… Beth and I, while
“friends” on Facebook and sorority sisters, had not really been in contact
until recently and Beth was not on Facebook a lot. She “happened” to get a FB email about
Andrea and Alison and I going out to dinner and happened to reach out. “Happened” I would like to say “planned”.
9.
Dave flew in and Amy was there to pick Dave up at the airport. What a friend. Amy, Dave and I and the preacher were all on
hand for this event. I didn’t want to
drag this out any longer…. We decided that at 3pm we would make this happen. So much emotion. Thank God Mom made her wishes clear. It was a hard decision but knowing that I
was doing what Mom wanted made it doable.
I had support….. I was blessed.
It was an emotional afternoon.
There was a phenomenal ICU nurse that day…. Eileen. She seemed to be the perfect amount of
gentile and caring, knowledgeable and prayerful…. She let me know that she was
praying for us. When the Respatory
Therapist took out the vent, Mom gave me a gift…. God gave me a gift. Mom mouthed a raspy few caring words… that
Dave and Amy all heard as well. Mom said
slowly and deliberately, “I love you, I
love you” before she fell asleep again.
I was blown away…. Mom had not been responsive at all. She would be “aware” or “awake” if you even
wanted to call it that, for 10 seconds about 2 times a day. She just told me that she loved me! What a gift from God! We prayed, we sang and we expected Mom to
go to heaven that day… but the doctors didn’t know how strong mom was. Mom’s preacher, Joe, sat with mom as Dave,
Amy and I went to dinner at a nearby Ruby Tuesday. ( I was really tired of hospital food) When we sat down, our waitress said, “Hi my
name is Angelica, I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” And I thought…. Of course your name is Angelica! Of course it is! God sent you!
10.
WE ordered our dinner when all
of a sudden, through the windows in the parking lot, a truck turned on his
headlights. It caught all of our
attention because the headlights were bright and shining in our eyes….. We all looked in that direction, when all of
a sudden Amy said, “ Look at the license
plate” The license plate read one
word….. “GOD” Amy then joked, “God is
shining his light on you!” we laughed,
“with a Ford F 150” God listened and he had a sense of humor! God Let me know that all was well!
11.
The next day was hard…. They moved mom to a private room rather than
ICU and a few days prior, a Hospice nurse had come to talk to us about Hospice
and I was not ready to hear it. The
Nurses Aide was sweet and caring and she took the time to help me bathe mom and
make me feel good about her new surroundings….. she happened to mention that
her last assignment was with Hospice and how wonderful it was. How did she know that I needed to hear that
at that moment? It was a decision I
was struggling with…… God placed her in the right place at the right time. We made arrangements to move mom to the
Hospice House where mom had actually shown me before on my last trip to
Smithfield. It was if she knew. The sun shone the next day on a trip in
which literally, the entire two weeks I had been in NC had been gloomy.
12.
We got Mom moved “home” to Smithfield.
She was in a beautiful room with a painting of an Angel… a view of a
fountain and a bird feeder. It was
PERFECT! The pastor came in to greet
us and we discovered that the room had a painting of an Angel that was painted
by a member of her church… a member who had actually died in that room…. God gave us another Angel.
13.
Mom had visitors and several ladies from the church came. I had to laugh when one member said to me,
“Is there anything at all I can do?” I
responded, “No, I can’t think of anything at all unless you happen to know how
I can get food to a food pantry.” The
ONE person I happened to mention this to and guess what she happened to be….. a
volunteer at the Food Pantry! Of course
she was! God placed her exactly where
she needed to be at the right moment! Mom loved to cook and she stocked up on lots of canned goods that needed to be donated. How perfect for the holidays to help others in need.
14.
The days there were also long but more enjoyable environment but we
knew moms time was limited….. no food, no IV fluid…. This could be days or
weeks. No one knew. Dave had spent the first day with me in
Mom’s house in Smithfield…. But he needed to go home to the kids…. I was going
to be spending one night, my only night alone in mom’s house. I was anxious and uneasy…. I mentioned to
the nurse on duty that I needed to go to Walmart to get some yogurt but that I
didn’t want to go there after dark.
She announced, “ There’s a Sweet Frog Yogurt place next to Belk” I wasn’t thinking frozen yogurt … I was
thinking Greek Yogurt for breakfast but oh well. It was time to leave mom… and go back to
her house. I was feeling uneasy…. Not
only about staying at Mom’s house alone but also the fact that when I left, I
could not find a nurse to say goodbye to.
I wanted to let a nurse know that I was leaving. As I made the decision to leave, I saw the
nurse in the parking lot chatting with the other nurse that was going off
duty. I was upset by this. I wanted her to know that I saw her and I stopped
by the car, gave her my business card with my cell phone number and said, "I
just wanted to give you my cell phone number in case you need me. “ I drove away…. I was disturbed and
frustrated. I was not hungry but it was
dinner time. I decided I would go to
Sweet Frog Yogurt and get frozen yogurt for dinner… and then drive back to the
Hospice House and check to make sure the Nurse was back on duty. I drove to
Sweet Frog – feeling a little lonely and proceeded to pick out my yogurt
flavor. As I poured the yogurt in my
cup, I noticed the Sweet Frog Logo acronym.
FROG (Fully Rely On God) was above the yogurt dispenser. “Okay God, I hear you! I’ll fully rely on YOU” I said to myself. I walked confidently out, ate my yogurt and
went to my moms house alone where I spent the evening talking with friends and
trying to keep myself busy.
15.
The next morning, I spent largely alone with mom. I crawled in bed with her and hugged her….
Talked to her and told her that it was okay to go. I prayed with her, I sang to her…. I was WITH
HER. I got a text from my great friend Michelle and she said, I’m thinking about coming, can I come spend the night
with you tonight?. YES!!! WOW!! How awesome!
I didn’t have anyone to be with me tonight. What a gift!
She was on her way.
16.
One of mom’s church friends stopped by to visit and to give me book on
loan…. A daily devotional. Jesus
Calling book. I turned to the DAY….
October 22nd… It read.
“No
matter what your circumstances may be, you can find Joy in My Presence. On some days, Joy is generously strewn along
your life-path, glistening in the sunlight.
On days like that, being content is as simple as breathing the next
breath or taking the next step. Other
days are overcast and gloomy; you feel the strain of the journey, which seems
endless. Dull gray rocks greet your gaze
and cause your feet to ache. Yet Joy is
still attainable. Search for it as for
hidden treasure.
Begin
by remembering that I have created this day:
it is not a chance occurrence.
Recall that I am present with you whether you sense My Presence or
not. Then, Start talking with Me about
whatever is on your mind. Rejoice in the
fact that I understand you perfectly and I know exactly what you are experiencing. As you continue communicating with Me, your
mood will gradually lighten. Awareness
of My marvelous Companionship can infuse Joy into the grayest of day." Psalm 21:6 ; Proverbs 2:4
17.
That afternoon, Moms’ neighbor, Judy stopped by to visit… she had been
out of town for a few weeks and had JUST gotten in. It was 2:30pm and I had not eaten lunch
yet… I asked her, “Judy, would you mind sitting with mom for just an hour so I
can go grab some lunch. I’m so
hungry” She agreed graciously. Kay and Amy and I went to Ruby Tuesday when
Elaine, the ICU nurse texted me and wanted to let me know she was praying for
me. Michelle drove in from Richmond to meet us at the restaurant and we
finished our quick lunch. As we were
driving to Hospice House, the Hospice nurse called me to say, “Don’t hurry, but
we think it’s time” So we hurried as
fast as we could to the Hospice House….
18.
I was surrounded by Kay, Amy and Michelle when we were there for Moms’
last breath…. At approximately 3:40 pm.
March 4th is my Birthday…. So I could remember that. Is that a coincidence too? I was not alone for her last breath…..I was
surrounded by friends….. what a gift!
God knew what I needed. Judy was in the room and she was the spiritual
leader. She said a beautiful prayer…..
and she “happened” to be a grief share counselor. God placed just the right people in my path
at the perfect time. It could not be
any more perfectly crafted. I had
Michelle to stay at Mom’s house with me… I was comforted….. God had listened
and looked out for me.
19.
That night, I went to bed and I talked to my mom… "Mom…. Let me know you are
here.. but don’t scare me to death"…. I went to bed, turned off all the lights
and went to sleep to awake at 1:30am to the light on the dresser being on. Not sure how it got turned on but it was. I turned it off…. Looked to see if it was
on a timer, it was not. I dreamed of
mom until morning. I felt comfort.
20.
Finally, Mom's pastor came up to me after her memorial service, he pulled me aside…. He wanted
to give me something. It was a NEW
Hymnal that mom had ordered for herself… her own personal copy. She loved music. On the cover of this Hymnal that was about
to be dedicated in November, the gold words read, “Glory to God”. It was as if God was glorified thru this
entire process!
21.
A few Days later, I read a private message from a friend who actually
used my facebook posts as a lesson plan for her Sunday School. She took the
time to count the number of times I mentioned Prayer and God (the same number,
19) and the number of times I mentioned miracle and love and being
blessed. She found that these posts got
over 3000 virtual prayers, hugs, well wishes over 14 days and I would say that
GOD used me and this situation to HIS glory!
WOW! What a journey. I am sad, I
will miss Mom but God gave me the ability to say goodbye to Mom, she got to
tell me she loved me and God was glorified.
How can I be too sad? How can I
be sad when God worked miracles in my life and held me the entire time? I am blessed!!!
