Be there for Others! #breastcancerawareness

It's been the hardest year of my life thus far, losing my mother suddenly to a stroke last fall.    As pumpkins and mums bring the color of fall along with the leaves…. I am reminded of my loss.

I want to honor my mother by acknowledging my loss by LIVING and being content with what is present in my life today.  

My mother shaped me into the person I am today…. She was Vibrant and Fun…. she loved to laugh and she loved a good debate…. sometimes her ability to be comfortable in her own skin made me uncomfortable at times… being "out there" or very vocal when I would choose to be less.   Do all daughters do this with their mothers?  I don't know, but probably.

The older I get I realize the value of LIVING… not to live for me but to LIVE for others…. to be the support system for other people either emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually.   It's an honor to laugh with, talk with, listen to and be present for the people in our lives who cross our path each day.

It TRULY makes me think about this month, losing my mother to a stroke and thinking about how many moms have been lost to Breast Cancer.   October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and how many women are affected and how we all know someone who has fought the fight and either won or lost that battle.    Our HEROS are the women who have endured it…. while raising a family, while being strong for others while they are trying to be strong for themselves.   It's a cruel disease.

How can we turn a blind eye to this disease and to our friends who are fighting?    Yes, I fully acknowledge that sometimes we don't know what to say if we have not gone through it, just as sometimes you don't know what to say when someone is losing a loved one to another battle.    It's kind of like giving birth, you don't know what it's like until you go through it…. and I am sure that Breast Cancer is the same.    It's a club you don't want to become a part of…. just like losing a mother is not a club you want to belong to either.

So for all the women who we know… or will meet that will battle breast cancer, I want to encourage you to get a mamogram this month, show your support and wear your PINK.  I want to mail 10 pink Eumi bracelets to the first 10 women who message me their story…. I want to honor YOU by helping you feel "less alone" because while I don't know what it is like to lose a mother to breast cancer, I lost a mother…. and that is truly a club I didn't choose to belong to.    This Eumi Bracelet (pronounced YOU-ME) is just that….. One for YOU and one for ME… WE are in this together!

If you don't win a free one, please order yours today at www.esbedesigns.com/theda and let's show our support!

God Bless,

Theda

Angels Among Us

I am not sure where to begin.    I started another pilgrimage to North Carolina to meet movers and estate sale people to begin the final stretch of closing mom's estate.

I drove South Monday, I was emotional and determined all at the same time.….. arriving late Monday night and with the help of Angels…… Literally and figuratively, I managed to leave Thursday morning having accomplished everything on the list which allowed me to get the house ready to sell.

I'm being vague in all that was accomplished because I don't want to bore you with details….. but I have to say that ANGELS are among us!    What started as a daunting task to do alone, ended with amazing angels being put in my path to help me at just the right time, knowing just what I needed before I even knew.   I am a very independent woman and being an only child makes me like this I guess.  I don't like asking for help unless I need it.   I did not ask but I received help that was so amazingly generous……

I feel completely humbled and grateful for the generosity of others…… the love of God is among us…. and angels are too!

Speaking of Angels…. My mom's neighbor was a god-send…. helping me with things I seriously didn't know I needed.   She helped me accomplish so much…… I am forever grateful….

The painter she found to paint mom's kitchen was even named Angel :)  I do believe it was a sign!

So, after a long and exhausting week… I began my journey home with a car full of memories.   I was admitedly emotional… but content with the progress…..focusing on getting to my next destination when all of a sudden a freak accident occurred driving on I-95 North.    It sounded like rocks being thrown at the car.   I opened my sunshade carefully to see what the noise was from and my sunroof had shattered.  I still have no idea why.. but I quickly got myself to the next exit which was in a very small town called Kenly.  The very first thing I see is a Ford Dealership.   I pulled in and HOPED they could help me.   They spent about 20-30 minutes patching my roof to get me on the road.  I was grateful.

As I made my way up I-95, I heard pressure changes, cracking glass and could tell that the patch ie. duct tape, was peeling back.    I needed to get it fixed before the deluge of rain hit.   I saw signs that led to Rocky Mount and took the exit on I-64… took the first major exit and I saw a Honda Dealer.    WOW… seriously perfect and could not be any more well planned… I drove an Acura so at least they were familiar with the car.

What are the odds that two car dealers would sit right off the exits?   I think the angels were protecting me.    The Honda Dealer took their time on their patch work, even going to Lowe's for supplies that 3 hours later, allowed me to get on the road and that would prevent my car from leaking even in the most torrential rains that would follow.

I made it home safe… and dry.   What a blessing.     I know that this situation could be viewed as a huge obstacle to my trip and trust me it was not fun, but, I feel blessed that it happened during the day, I had help available and I was not hurt.  It could have been so much worse.

So the crazy thing…. is that the pumpkin I call "her" is still sitting on the half-wall between the family room and the kitchen… it's been perfectly preserved ….but tonight… the second night back home…. after basically closing up mom's house and emptying it… I noticed that the pumpkin is looking less perfect.  In fact, it looks like it is dying or rotting …. maybe someone's way of letting me know that it is time to let go a little bit more….. that All is WELL.

I truly feel like God is holding my hand, giving me just what I need when I need it… and allowing Angels to be there for me to support me, even when I didn't know I needed them…  I feel so blessed… so humbled and so in AWE!    I do believe there are angels among us!

5 Months Later…..

I can't believe it has been 5 months since Mom passed away…..  Grief is a strange thing….. at times you are overcome with sadness.. but other times living life as we should.   You stare like a stranger at "life".   Watching people go about "normal activity" when you are in your own world.    You think….. "They have no idea what I am going through"…..  and things seem so trivial.

Emotion surprises you when you least expect it…. it's not the important events like Christmas but the everyday events when you want to pick up the phone and chat or experience something you want to share with someone you love…. someone who loves you.

The shower and the car seem to be the place that emotion takes hold….. the time when things slow down just enough to allow you to feel the loss…..

The first month home was a blur… a true recovery period…just allowing myself to just "BE".   Truly,  for me, I was going through the motions of "life" without really remembering them.
Distractions like the Christmas holiday really were a blessing to force me to focus on the season….. and not on my loss….

The quiet of January…. the snow… the calm,  really brought clarity that I really needed to stop avoiding "life" and truly immerse myself back in it.  I'm not sure if this is a seasonal thing or a process thing…. but I'm sure everyone who is grieving a loss feels this at some point.

Strangely…. I felt comfort… when I realized that the pumpkin that Mom had purchased… and was in the back of her car in October, ready to be displayed for Halloween, was still very much perfect… and sitting in my house.   I had given it to my family to take back to New Jersey to decorate with since I was not around to create a festive atmosphere for the holiday…. and here it sits in my house… five months later… PERFECT.

I put a tiara on it.. I fondly call it "her".   "She" is still as perfect as the day my family took it home….. it has been the Halloween pumpkin, Thanksgiving pumpkin, Christmas pumpkin, Valentine's pumpkin, St. Patricks Day pumpkin and is almost… the Easter pumpkin….. 

I'm not sure why it has stayed preserved but I'd like to think that Mom is still with us…. 

I'll share more details later, but I am convinced Mom is trying to let me know she's here!  I wonder how long this pumpkin will be preserved…..